Frenulum? The week in review...July 7th thru July 15th, 2010

I had no idea what a frenulum was a few months ago...little did I know that a tiny piece of skin called a frenulum had been making my life an actual living hell for the last three months. The reason why my breastfeeding attempts were so painful I'd scream, were all caused by William's short frenulum, or tongue-tie. Lovely. Blistered nipples for months on end, bleeding, skin peeling off...in so much pain I've not worn clothes in three months, all caused by a frenulum.

How did the NICU miss it? How did the lactation consultants at the NICU miss it? How did his THREE pediatrician miss it? It was a consultant at my La Leche League meeting who found it. I had to see a ENT for it and sure enough, his frenulum (or piece of skin that attaches the tongue to the bottom of the mouth) was too short, prohibiting him from properly using his tongue to get the milk out, thus stretching my nipple out to a very unnatural shape and causing probably us both great discomfort. He was unable to draw out enough milk, so he worked too hard, causing him to burn calories and fall asleep. And me, well...pain.

The ENT had the frenulum clipped right in his office. He used a topical numbing cream and a minute later, he was done, and William seemed just fine....some blood, but he seemed to be in no discomfort. I didn't notice ANY change in my pain until five days later, as it took five days for the blisters to heal, but each day got better. Now, breastfeeding doesn't hurt at all, and I can resume wearing clothes!

For now we're concentrating on his weight, and him gaining more of it.We tried a high calorie milk based formula, knowing it may not agree with him, and it indeed, did not. I've never heard a carbon based life form fart so much in my life. We both went two nights in a row with no sleep. He's back on soy, and breast milk and he'll see the Dr next week.

He now has this huge bald spot on the back of his head, and his hair seems to be turning a soft reddish-blond, his eyes are still blue-gray. He can hold his head up much better now and is still sucking his thumb when he can't get to his paci.

My kid has a big-ass head!

Chicken-Pot-Pie Casserole

Okay I kind of made this up, so the measurements will not be exact.

This is what happens when you have random stuff in the kitchen and you're not sure what to make of them...you get a hybrid.

Ingredients

3 chicken breasts

Sliced mushrooms

Heavy cream

Chicken broth

Shredded cheese (any flavor you like)

1 sheet puff-pastry

Boil-in-Bag rice, (I use brown)

1 medium yellow onion

1/4 cup white wine

3 tbsn butter

Flour, salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, Olive oil.

Pre-heat oven to 350, defrost puff-pastry.

Sauté the onions in olive oil and 1 tbs butter until translucent then remove from pan. Slice the chicken into bite size chunks and sauté in olive oil. When the chicken is done, remove the chicken and add more oil and 1 tbsn butter. Add mushrooms and brown them. Once brown, add salt and the white wine....continue to sautee until some of the wine is absorbed.

Add about 1 tbs of flour and 1 tbs of butter (to make a roux) whisk the flour and butter in the mushrooms until the sauce thickens. Add cream (I eye ball it...maybe 1 cup of cream) and an equal amount of chicken broth. Switch to a wooden spoon and turn up the heat, bring to a bubble and then lower to a simmer. Add the chicken and onions back in. Season with salt, pepper and other seasonings as desired to taste.

Mix the rice with the chicken mushroom sauce in a casserole dish or bowl. Top with the shredded cheese and then top that with the puff pastry. Cut slits into the pastry and then bake until the pastry is finished (the instructions are on the pastry, it's about 15 minutes). Let stand for five minutes and dive in.

It's easier than it sounds. To make it even simpler, just add cream of mushroom soup instead of the mushrooms and cream, no need for roux then.

My thoughts on housewives...

As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a housewife. I think it was the glorified Leave It To Beaver crap I watched as a child. My mom had it pretty good when she was a housewife. She kept a very clean home, cooked nearly every night, and we seemed to go out, either for errands or for fun, almost every day. We'd lunch with her other housewife friends and their kids who were my age. Mom didn't entertain a whole lot, that was Mema's thing. Mema enjoyed throwing dinner parties and luncheons.

I was going to be the housewife and mom who had a nice house, cooked great meals, threw wonderful parties and wore nice clothes. Of course it never occurred to me that housewives had to....clean. How do you do that? And that children required first getting pregnant, and then being pregnant, and then giving birth, and then they holler and leak all over the house. And parties, well one needs actual FRIENDS in town to have a successful party. Oh and the best way to be a housewife is to maybe have a husband....yikes.

So then I decided to become a rock star, or a teacher, or a writer, or a rock star who taught and wrote, but in the back of my mind, housewife always loomed. It's like the woman's movement never occurred right? Wrong....freedom of choice baby, the choice to pursue whatever makes you happy ;-)

Then I had the 20 yr stretch where I didn't want kids, so the housewife thing flew out the window. I'd be a career girl instead! But I was talked out of every career I wanted to pursue, from teacher, to writer, to advertising exec, to cartoonist, to graphic artist, to photographer, to journalist, to mortician (yes you read that correctly) to Late Night Talk Show Host, to Ichthyologist (look it up)...so I majored in TV Production instead? I don't know, don't ask. All I know is I was hella-good at it, I don't mind saying I was top of my class in that...all of it, audio, editing, camera, on-camera and my favorite, directing. So naturally I invested time, energy and money into this and never got a job in the field.

I'd decided to not have kids, not get married, but work instead....so I did the exact opposite. Now I did work, there are those who may think I've never had a job, I've had plenty of jobs....I've worked since I was 17 yrs old. I've worked for minimum wage, and moderate wage, but never decent wage. I've worked crap jobs and crappier jobs, but never a decent job. I've never worked in my field and I never had a job I was good at. In fact, I worked in fields I sucked at! Take the things I'm the worst at and pay me crap money and NO benefits to do them, oh and make sure these jobs are 50 miles away too, and that was my career, or lack thereof.

Every job I had was the worst job I ever had. Every job I had utilized nothing of me, but required stuff I wasn't good at. Sure, put a dyslexic girl who never passed math in the accounting department....give the girl with carpal tunnel and that dyslexia again a job in data entry...tell the girl who can't write a memo to save her life, or take notes, or file to be a secretary. My favorite was have the girl with scoliosis who can't stand or walk for more than 5 minutes work a cash register in a health food store. But I digress, this is about being a housewife!!!!

So I couldn't clean, big deal...I was just as qualified to be a housewife as I was to be a crap ass secretary, and to make things worse, I was a secretaries secretary. And for no money and no benefits but I digress again.....my point is, beware of what you wish for....

Though no fault of my own, I became a housewife. And then because we're infertile but somehow I got pregnant, I'm now a stay-at-home mom and housewife....benefits YES, pay, LOL....

Okay so I never learned how to clean. How is that my fault? So I don't know how to mop, I mean I guess it's simple, Akeem did it in Coming to America after all. True, I can't bend over (bad knees, baaad back) to scrub the tub, and vacuuming KILLS my back....I can dust...kind of, I mean I have asthma so that sucks. I did learn the hard way to dust before you vacuum though ;-)

I can clean a kitchen like it's no ones business! It was always my job at home to load, run and unload the dishwasher and empty the trash, a job I'm happy to now give my husband. As for cooking....no offense to the family, I come from a line of women who really didn't care to cook all that much or didn't do it all that often. Mom had to stop after the divorce, so she 'forgot' how to cook and Mema cooked but hated it, hence I was never taught, I taught myself. Yeah I guess I can teach myself how to clean too huh? ;-)

After 20 years of cooking I can finally say with almost certainty that I'm a half-way decent cook who makes food more often than not that is edible. One dream...realized! Check that off the list.

So...now all of the sudden I find that I'm a housewife and stay-at-home mom....and it's everything I thought it'd be....but what I didn't expect was....I'm embarrassed by it. I've turned into one of those horrid women who responds "I'm just a mom" to people who ask what I do. Before I got pregnant it was even worse....I "do nothing"....$50k of college down the drain to sit at home and do...nothing.

I feel like the world's biggest loser all of the sudden. Why? This is what I've always wanted. I threw a dinner party and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be! Cleaning SUCKS! Cooking, well, sure, it's great and all, but cleaning up afterwards and getting the groceries required to cook....suck! That and they use up practically no brain cells whatsoever. Cooking is great, when you're in the mood, when you're NOT, it's hell on Earth! And where the hell does all this damn dust come from?

So now I have what I want. I'm a housewife and a stay-at-home mom. They always seem to go in that order, housewife/mom....why is that? Am I really a housewife first, mom second? I seem to think not. My husband on the other hand, that's a different story, he thinks housewife first, mom second, well no, maid first, chef second, then mom. :-)

Everything I know about cleaning I learned from Chris. He taught me how to do laundry when I was 32! He's a great house cleaner! That dude could make a fortune cleaning houses....we can thank his Mom, who taught him how to clean when he was a child. My little issue now is....he was upset that I took a day off of house cleaning last week. Sorry...William nurses, on average, ten hours a day. He'll typically only nap while on the breast. Not only does that leave little time for housework, but NO time for me and my needs. You know, like...EATING! That thing I just don't do since William never let's me. LOL....Napping? As a woman with fibro and chronic fatigue, I'd like to nap. I'm on Dr's orders TO NAP but since little Willy does't nap, mommy doesn't either.

Yes, I clean, and yes, I cook, I cook food I can't eat! LOL! Here's my point. I think the role of housewife and stay-at-home mom has changed since the idealistic 1950s. I could be spit-ballin' here, but it seemed back in the good-old-days mom's would bottle feed their babies (as was very common in those days) and then put them in a playpen while they cleaned the house, in their high heals and pearls. LOL, okay, no heals, no pearls.

Dinner was hot and ready on the table when the bread earner walked through that door. Couples would often go out on weekends, leaving little ones with family or baby sitters. Houses were clean, the men folk were fed, women had dish-pan hands, babies were....babies...who cried but it was best to "let them cry it out"...you know, the Ferber Method, only it wasn't called that back then. Back then, you didn't want to hold a baby too much for fear of "spoiling" them, and don't even talk about co-sleeping or baby wearing....just...not something that people did or if they did, they didn't admit it, at least not in the western world.

From what I've witnessed, things have changed. Almost all of my friends who are moms are stay-at-home moms. They are not like the 1950s housewife either. In fact, they'd never even say they WERE housewives, because in their eyes, they aren't...they are MOMS...who stay home. It seems the quintessential housewife has taken a backseat to the new millennium power-stay-at-home mom. Babies first....husband second.....house third....pets....ugh....do they even exist anymore? (Of course they do but let's face it, they don't rank as high)

My friends keep neat homes for the most part. But the home is not their top priority. Neither is their husband's meal being served 'on time'. In fact, some dudes have to fend for themselves! Every woman I know puts her baby and/or children first. More and more modern mom's are breastfeeding these days, and it's not like bottle feeding. It can be VERY time consuming, and virtually impossible to do anything else when you nurse.

If you have a comfort-nurser like me, then you're really tied down. Not that it's a bad thing, not at all, but I must admit, while I sat here on Friday evening breastfeeding my son, in the back of my mind I did think, "there's laundry that needs folded and that dishwasher needs emptied, reloaded and run again." I'm not going to ask my husband who works his ass off to do it either. It just won't get done today! I have to be comfortable with that realization. Tomorrow....it'll get done tomorrow.

So the husband comes home and volunteers to do it himself, but then let's me hear about it all day.... :-) What's more important, nourishing and soothing your screaming son, or putting away a glass into the cupboard? Most people will say it's the kid. I think Chris has that 1950's way of thinking of housewives....house first, hubbies second, then babies and...do we even have dogs?

For right now, it's the living things in my life that hold the most importance. Without a solid marriage, William won't have a complete and strong childhood....husbands are important (even when they give you crap like he does! LOL!). Babies at this age NEED to be held and loved and given your full attention... especially a little preemie who spent his first month of life living in an isolette, hardly being held or talked to by anyone but me and Chris when we visited (and Mom and Dad too).

Nothing is more important to a breastfeeding woman than breastfeeding your child, especially a preemie who needs those antibodies more than ever. And since I have a colic baby who moans and cries all day, comfort nursing is the best thing for him. He'll burn fewer calories sleeping on me than he will writhing and screaming all day. That means things like housework and cooking, and for me, eating, are no longer priorities.

Yes, my child needs to live in a clean and sanitary home, and he does. But if a dish resides in the dishwasher 24 hours longer than initially intended, it's not the end of the world.

Most modern moms don't "let them cry it out" anymore. You can't spoil a baby before the age of six months...and is it really spoiling to hold your baby? I don't think so. Every mom I know holds their babies all the time. Many sleep in the same room with their babies. None of my friends "Ferberize"their offspring. Heck, a lot of my friends don't even have their kids attend pre-school.

So our houses don't look like they can be photographed without prior warning for Better Homes and Gardens....is it the end of the world? Some of our meals come via a drive-thru, or God forbid, the "man" of the house pitches and cooks, which more and more men these days are doing. Laundry sometimes piles up. Housewife doesn't equal maid anymore in these modern times.

These days, we are moms first, wives second, 'house'wives....third. After all, they're only babies for a brief time....laundry lasts a lifetime!

(BTW, I still love my dogs, so to prove it, I'm posting a lovely picture of them for you to enjoy! Enjoy!)

The easiest soup ever made....

I can thank Giada for most of this recipe. It's the easiest soup known to man. Beef and cannellini bean soup.

Ingredients

1 lb beef stew meat

1 box (32 oz) beef broth

1 can of petite diced tomatoes

3-4 cans of cannellini (white beans)

onion and garlic powder, salt, pepper and Italian seasoning to taste (a bay leaf would be nice)

Brown and season the beef in some olive oil. Add the canned tomatoes with the juice. Rinse the beans and add them. Add the broth. Simmer. DONE! Tastes good topped with grated Parmesan cheese.

I told you it was easy. ;-)

I'm not the kind of parent I thought I'd be...

Everyone offers you advice when you're pregnant, or become a new parent. The one bit of advice I got that was true beyond the shadow of a doubt was from Chrissy, when she simply said "NEVER say never."

I asked all my friends their opinions on crib bumpers, strollers, diapers and formula. Of course they all had something different to say. I've discovered on my own that it doesn't matter what kind of diaper I use...Huggies, Meijer brand or cloth....they're all the same (The cloth need changing more often). The brand formula I use doesn't matter, so long as it's soy, he reacts the same way. Even nursing advice, because I've heard it all, and it all conflicts. What works for me does not work for others. Everyone is different, every baby is different and every preemie is different.

In the end, the only bit of advice I got that holds true for me, for us, is to never say never.

I said I'd never breastfeed. I swore I'd never co-sleep. I said I'd never use any kind of sling or baby backpack. I said I'd 'almost' definitely put him into the local public school. I said I'd never take him to Church. Turns out I was wrong on all of that.

We all know about the breastfeeding so there's no need to discuss that further. As for co-sleeping, I swore I'd never do it. All I need is some 8 yr old kid still in my bed! Babies need to sleep, on their own, in a crib, in their own room. That's how I saw it. My house isn't that big, it's a one story, it's no big deal for me to get up and go to his room to tend to him at night. I thought I'd roll over and smother him. I thought I'd get worse sleep with him in my bed with me. Wrong.

How we began to co-sleep was purely by accident. His first night home from the NICU I was concerned about his breathing so I wanted to sleep in the same room with him. I planned to sleep on the couch and have him in the pack-n-play. Instead we both fell asleep by accident on the couch. He was swaddled, in my arms, and the next thing I knew, it was 2am and he was hungry. (I was still exclusively pumping at that time)

I decided I loved sleeping with him in my arms. I could feel and hear him breathe and I loved having him that close to me. I thought, well, I'll do this for one more week. A week turned into a month. We eventually moved into the bed. Now he mostly sleeps throughout the night. If he gets hungry, I roll over on my side and nurse him back to sleep. It's great. I actually get MORE sleep this way, and so does he. In the mornings around 4am he gets fussy, so I hold him closer to my chest so he's warm and can hear my heartbeat, and he sleeps right on through until 6 or 7am that way.

When he loses his paci at night, I'm right there to stick it back in. I can do this 100 times during a night. If I were not right next to him, I'd be getting UP 100 times a night to put it back in for him, so yeah, I get more sleep and better sleep this way. My plan now is to co-sleep until I'm done breastfeeding, and Chris is on-board with this.

I was not going to be a marsupial mom. I dig strollers....that is until I realized what a royal pain in the butt they are. My stroller takes up my ENTIRE trunk, and it barely fits. We have to squeeze it in there so hard it's all cut up now. So the girls at my LLL group gave me a sling. I didn't want to use a sling because I simply thought it was stupid. I thought it'd KILL my neck and shoulder as I have serious neck and shoulder problems. Again, I was wrong.

When worn correctly, it does not hurt my neck or shoulder at all. My back now that's a different story (OUCH!). Keeping him close to me is wonderful. He's hardly ever fussy when he's in the sling. He almost always sleeps in there. My hands are free and I don't have to mess with a clunky stroller. (Once he's too big for the sling, I'll resume using the stroller, and on really long hikes, I'll use it too. I'm so happy Liz bought us this stroller and car-seat, I just wish I had a bigger trunk!). The only drawback is I have no stroller to stroll around my heavy-ass diaper bag...which means I have to carry it. ICK.

Not only is the sling convenient and comfy for us both, but he's so adorable in it! Dayton Ohio is not a really hippie-dippy kind of place. Not many people have seen slings here, so we get looks everywhere we go. Men, women, children all stop us to smile and tell me how adorable he is, and of course, he is adorable. ;-) YES, we get far more compliments in the sling than we do in the stroller. One of the joys of having a handsome child is showing him off. What can I say, this kid is darling.

Chris uses our baby back-pack to tote the little one around...yes, we're Attachment Parents! I didn't even know what that was 6 months ago, so I couldn't say I'd do it or not. Turns out, we do...and we don't really know why. We just enjoy having him close to us, at all times. At this age (14 weeks real, 7 weeks adjusted) they need that.

[http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp] Of course there's pros and cons to all forms of parenting. We just decided to do what works best for us, and for us, this is it. Maybe it's because he's a preemie and we're extra cautious, maybe we'd been like this if he were full term, we'll never know.

Mom said it best yesterday. She said everyone will offer their opinions and their advice, whether is't wanted or not...but in the end, Chris and I need to do what decide to do. She had her kid, she raised her kid, now it's our turn. She does not agree with the whole breastfeeding, co-sleeping thing necessarily, but she knows it's safe the way we do it, and it's what we want to do. Her thing with the breastfeeding is, it's just too much work for me, and too challenging with all the problems we've had. She'd like my life to be more convenient.

Breastfeeding is not what she'd chose, but she made her choices when she had her baby. It's our baby and we'll raise him how we choose.

William and I have taken going to Church every week. If you read my earlier post on Church, and made it through to the VERY END, you'll understand why. Though I'm not a very religious person, and neither is Chris, we think it's good that William be exposed to some religion. We also decided to have him baptized Catholic. The class is at the end of the month and the ceremony is in September. So far William likes Church just fine. He's very well behaved, because he's slinged, and everyone as always gawks at him. It's 40 minutes a week I get to spend with him, massaging his back and hugging him close, it's just our little routine now.

We'll leave the homeschooling debate for another day.... ;-)

The week in review...June 25 thru July 2, 2010

This week saw a few cool new things. Most notably was just this morning, when he reached up to his animals for the very first time. He reached and tapped them several times, all while cooing. He then stared at them for a while, before losing interest. Seeing that he's now interested in grabbing for things, I bought him a few baby toys, including his first V-Tech laptop! Okay it's a piece of plastic with lights that looks like a laptop.

When we took him to the pediatrician she said he's 23 inches long and weighs 9 lbs 4 oz. This week he retired his first size New Born onesie:

There's still a few size NB onesies that he fits into but this is the first to go. He's a tad small for his 0-3 but is fitting in them much better. This week we took him to the arboretum for a second time, only this time he was in the sling so he got to see a few things. The weather was not too terrible that day. The hydrangeas were gorgeous!

The breastfeeding has gone pretty much the same. We're supplementing with a Similac Isomil sensitive but his colic still remains. I'm now trying 'baby massage' to see if that helps some. As for the pain I'm suffering, we heard from a lactation consultant that his frenulum may be too short. Our pediatrician wasn't too sure so she's sending us to a ENT next week for further consultation.

It also appears that he's beginning to start teething. We think a little molar is coming up, which is very odd, but even the Dr said that's what it looks like is happening. The little bouts of drooling, EWW, have begun....ugh, not my favorite phase. He's a tad early on this, but of course, teething can occur at any time really.

Today we worked with finger paints for the first time! I put his foot prints on some thank you cards I have to make out. Can you believe we're STILL receiving presents from people? He has everything any baby could possibly need at this point. We're so lucky and thankful to have such generous friends and family in our lives. He adores his new wubbanub frog paci from Mom, he's using it right now as I sit to write this!

Look at my wacky son making funny and adorable faces beneath is over-sized hat....little dude is such a ham at times!

And lastly this week William finally met Marlene and her daughter Makenna, who changed her first diaper ever! She did a great job. She even undressed and dressed him too! That's more than I did at five...hell I was 36 first time I did any of that! :-)

Marlene is my most 'kiddy' friend, I know she never thought she'd live to see the day I had a kid. Well, it has been a long time coming.

Today I took some pictures of little man out in the sun...since little ones can't use sunscreen we have to be careful. I snapped those pictures in about a minute flat. Can you believe it was 54 degrees outside? In JULY?! Wow!

I wonder what next week will bring...

My thoughts on Breastfeeding...

I decided a long time ago that I was not going to breastfeed. Well let's face it, I also decided I wasn't going to have children either. ;-) I didn't want to breastfeed because as it turns out, I was misinformed. I thought it would hurt (irony is it does with us but that's not the norm, we're, as you know, having issues) I mean how can it not hurt? A person is sucking with all its might on your nipples for hours a day, ouch! I thought I'd never be able to drink while breastfeeding and let's face it, I'm a fan of the ale! I thought my personal diet would have to be very limited. I thought I'd not be able to take my migraine medication, or any medication. In short, I was wrong.

In fact, breastfeeding does not hurt, when done properly. Sure you're a tad sore at first but breastfeeding without complications like thrush, which we have, isn't painful at all. Until we got thrush, breastfeeding was fine and I was in no pain at all!

And yes, you can have a glass of wine or a mug o' ale and breastfeed! In fact, beer, dark beer, is healthy for breastfeeding, it increases milk supply.

And yes, I can take my medication. My Dr told me what meds I can and can not take while breastfeeding, and nearly all of them are a go!

I can eat almost anything I want. Thus far we've not had too many issues with him not liking my milk or getting sick off it. (the formula, that's a different story)

Are there drawbacks to breastfeeding? Sure. For one, it's convenient to bottle feed (even more to bottle feed formula, no pumping required!).

In MY case, and not everyone is the same, it takes William anywhere from 60-120 minutes to nurse...now that's a long time. If I have somewhere I need to go, I don't have 2 hrs to nurse him. If I 'am' out, I don't have two hours to pull over or sit at the mall and nurse either. He'll down a bottle in a few minutes flat, but on me, he falls asleep....and stays asleep. Once I remove him, he wakes up, hungry and crying until I re-latch him...two minutes later...asleep again. Ugh.

Another plus is other people can feed him to give me a break! Now if someone else feeds him bottled breast milk then it's still breastfeeding so far as I'm concerned. Of course that requires copious amounts of pumping. When do you have time to pump if you're nursing?

If you're shy about nursing in public, then bottle feeding is the way to go! Otherwise you're stuck hiding in a ladies lounge or bathroom or your car. There is the hooter-hider for those more bold, or foregoing all forms of 'hiding' for the truly brave.

It's also easier to administer medications to the baby by putting them in the bottle too.

These are the only positives I see to bottle (formula) feeding. Let's talk about the hassles of bottle feeding. First, there's the cost. Formula is outrageous! But even more than that, is the cost of bottles! Bottles, good ones, are $10 a piece! Then you need to replace nipples from time to time. Unless you're cheap like me and enjoy washing bottles all the time, you'll need lot's of bottles....lots. We've gotten by just fine with 10 bottles, in three different sizes, but I mostly breastfeed.

Some will say to sanitize bottles after every feed, another cost, another annoyance. Then there's the 'bottle warmer'...I personally just run the bottle under hot tap water or put hot water in a coffee mug and place the bottle in that, done! Still a pain in the butt though.

Bottles weigh down your diaper bag. You can't leave unless you have bottles and purified water and formula, which means toting around a plastic bin that holds formula. What a pain! Oh and water, can't just use any old water, you need "nursery" water...or purified water, or water that costs freakin' MONEY!

I'm not even talking about the health stuff yet, am I? ;-) I mean that's a given that breast milk is healthier than any formula, and there's not debating that!

YES, a booby picture!

So, what changed my mind about breastfeeding? COST! I saw how much formula costs ($24-$26...a week) and said, um...no...breast milk is free! Well it's almost free. There's the cost of the pump, $100, and the nursing pads, $6 a month or so, and nipple cream, $11, and nursing bras, $24, and nursing tanks, $15, and nursing night gowns, $30....okay I think that's it. It's still cheaper than formula.

After I made the decision to breastfeed, I guess when I was five months pregnant, I started to do some research. Yes, it's good for the baby, yes it's good for the mother. Just read all the stuff about cancer and such here (http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-breastfeeding-benefits-you-and-your-baby_8910.bc?page=3) Who knew that breastfeeding can lower the chances of you getting certain cancers and even osteoporosis!

Did you know breast milk can cure pink eye and ear infections? (http://www.pregnancy-info.net/breastfeeding_illness.html)

I can't help but wonder, and this is personal opinion, why cancer rates in children and adults have skyrocketed in the last 100 years, as well as autism. YES breastfed babies get cancer and autism but it just seems the rates of these instances have escalated in the last 100 years, which is about the same time people started phasing away from breast milk and began using evaporated milk and other substitutes.

Now, all the cancer and other diseases could as easily be explained by our environment, the water we drink, the food we eat and the air we breathe. Perhaps we're transferring these toxins to our young in our breast milk? Perhaps it's a little bit of both. It just seems to me everything has gone to hell since people started making their lives easier. More and more people of my generation are now opting to breastfeed, whereas most in our parent's generation thought it was absurd, hippie-ish, and an inconvenience, which is why so few of them did it.

I know my mother was not initially supportive of my decision. She has since changed her mind and supports me fully. Initially she said I'd be weighed down and he'd use me as a pacifier. She said I'd be in terrible pain and bottles and formula are just more convenient. She was right, all of it, 100% correct! But does that mean it shouldn't be done? Just because it's easy doesn't make it right. Processed foods are easy and wrong on so many levels, as are fast food, artificial sweeteners, and many chemicals found in everyday cleaning products. All of this is bad for you, and many people are beginning to shy away from them.

Another thing that baffles my mind is that for about 200,000 yrs, homo sapiens have been breastfeeding, as they had no other choice. In the last 50 yrs or so, breastfeeding in the US has become almost taboo. In 50 yrs we as a society have forgotten how to breastfeed! We now must read books, join online forums, attend classes, employ 'consultants' and attend meetings to discuss the importance of, and how to, breastfeed! Have we de-evolved that much? So much that something so natural and fundamental to our survival as a species has been forgotten in the span of 50 to 100 years? What's wrong with us?

So, now I'm of the thought that breastfeeding is best and everyone should do it. LOL...cuz what I say goes. ;-) I'm like a born-again with this stuff. Everyone needs to try and commit to a minimum of six weeks. Then, set another goal, but keep them realistic. Reaching the goals are very rewarding. I just earned my "12" week badge on my breastfeeding forum...yea for me, all hail the "D"! Even through the pain of blisters and scabs and skin literally hanging off me, I've still not given up and it's been three months! Three months of painful hell. LOL...I'm in pain 24 hours a day, every day. Yeah, something's wrong, but we're still working on it because it's the best thing for him, and for me.

It's so easy at night, in bed, to just roll over on my side and feed him without getting up, making a bottle, warming a bottle...the stench of formula...plus nursing puts him back to sleep quickly.

Now that we've gotten past all the NICU induced nipple confusion, little dude WANTS to nurse. He enjoys it. His eyes, literally, roll to the back of his head once he's latched on, it's so obvious he's in heaven. Even in the NICU when he'd hardly ever nursed, he naturally 'rooted' on me...meaning even with clothes ON he leaned his head up to my breast and tried to feed, LOL...it was so cute and so funny, yet sad at the same time because nursing in the NICU was an ordeal and not something I could do daily.

It seems babies naturally will root there, on anyone, wanting comfort or food or both. This is the realization I reached recently and I stand by it. To deny them that, something that's hardwired into their little brains, just seems cruel to me. Babies were meant to be breastfed and breasts were designed to do just that. I think too many moms give up too quickly. Now I understand why they do. Also, I totally understand there are those who absolutely can not breastfeed for various reasons...I don't criticize those people.

Did you hear me when I said I have skin dangling off the ends of my nipples? Bleeding? Thrush? Burning and aching 24 hours a day? I can not wear clothes at all most of the time, which Chris loves of course....and that's just me and my discomfort.

What about when you're ready to go somewhere and lil' dude decides he's hungry and it takes us 90 minutes to nurse? Or when you're out, having to nurse in public? Or when you're cooking and you have to stop to nurse him for two hours...or even worse, you're starving but can't stop to grab a bite, because you're nursing...you have to pee...you have dogs to walk...yeah, I understand why people quit.

Another booby shot! Look at his cute head ;-)

Now him nursing for two hours is just him, that's not normal....he spends half that time sleeping anyways. I hear it's a "preemie" thing and he'll grow out of it. Remember when we started it was 13 hours straight, yes, I wanted to pull my hair out (but it's falling out anyway so never mind) ;-) Then we got it down to three hours, now two, next week, who knows....one would be nice.

At least I get to relax and watch a movie while I nurse....lots of movies. Tons of movies...The Wrestler is excellent btw... ;-)

I'm still hoping to eliminate formula all together and never use the bottles again. Every week we get closer to that goal. Every day in fact gets better and better, 'cept for the pain. :-(

Believe me, if "I" can do it, anyone can do it. I hate pain! Then again I said labor didn't really hurt so maybe my tolerance is high...;-)

Using me as a pillow.... :-)

How fast they change! The week in review, the week of June 20th, 2010

Don't blink! Boy do things change a lot, maybe not day to day but week to week for certain.

Two weeks ago, though we didn't really tell anyone, we thought William may have very poor eye sight, I even thought he may be blind. Lil' dude NEVER made eye contact with us, or anyone. He wouldn't look at....anything! The light would affect him but that was it. He never 'tracked' meaning he never followed objects, or lights, or even sounds. He didn't respond to our faces, or our voices.

Okay so I kind of thought maybe he didn't like me. ;-) Maybe he thought I was ugly...turns out he just wasn't that interested. Yeah, he just wasn't that in to me. This week, he makes eye contact. He responds to us. And he tracks objects, IF you move them very slowly, and then he only tracks for maybe 10 seconds, why? Sensory Overload...never heard of it, but, it's real.

Last week, sure, he'd occasionally take a paci, but this week, he 'needs' his paci. He's addicted to his paci! If he can't get to it, today I noticed, he'll just take his hand, fingers or thumb...whatever it takes to suck on something. He also started 'comfort' nursing, which is a HUGE turn around from a few weeks back when he hated to nurse. It's sweet.

When the paci gets turned around, he'll suck on its side. The puppy-paci, I caught him sucking on the puppy's ear. Hell, he's even sucked on the end of Chris's nose, which is really the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.

Last week, he'd smile, on rare occasion. Though his smiles are still fairly spontaneous, they are more predictable as to when he'll do them. Just after a meal, he'll coo, wiggle, and smile. So now I have the camera at the ready after each feeding (aren't you just thrilled?) to document his happy faces.

Last week, he never napped....ever. (Granted he slept better at night that way) but this week, he takes 1-3 hr naps after his meals. We place in the boppy and place him on his tummy or side and he goes right to sleep. YES, we're right next to him, not leaving him unattended while he rests. Since he has colic, this is the best position for him to be comfy in.

Now, when he cries his non-hungry cry, we know to either give him a paci, or finger, or God forbid a nose (yuck) or put him in the boppy in that comfy position and he's happy as a clam. Why are clams so damn happy? Their lives suck when you think about it....but they do make a great sauce!

This week we learned he's 23 inches long. He's grown about 2 inches in one month. That's....impressive. He's tall and thin! GOOD! Short and fat sucks! Freakin' Michelin man can kiss my butt! Okay, fat babies are adorable but I have a "long and lean" one so that's clearly the best way to be now so far as I'm concerned. ;-)

We're trying the cloth diapers (http://www.fuzzibunz.com/) this week, thanks to Becky who lent me some. These things are expensive! I mean in the end, they are cheaper than disposables and better for Mother Earth, but man, the upfront cost to these things....wow! We're giving them a try for a while and see how that goes. Then we have to give them back! LOL! She'll make a fortune on these things when she sells some of them in the future. I mean, they're just a piece of material, with snaps....and absorbent properties...and cutesy designs!

So this week, the week in review...started to suck thumb, yes, that's called self soothing...fell madly in love with his paci, also decided he enjoys napping on his belly and side, FINALLY getting the hang of side nursing at night, tracking objects and making eye contact with his gorgeous baby blues....while he still has them.

I wonder what next week will bring?

My thoughts on Church....

This blog entry has NOTHING to do with faith. It has to do solely with the actual, physical Church, the building itself and the experience one got in the building, not the religion in general.

I know more about religion than almost any other person I know. Why? Because I was very, very religious growing up and as a young adult. For reasons unknown to everyone including those who forced this upon me....I was raised Catholic....but attended a Lutheran school for ten years...ten formative years.

For those of you who don't know jack about the reformation it was started by a little known German monk dude named Martin LUTHER(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_luther)...hence the Lutheran Church...if any break-a-way Church is anti-Catholic, you can pretty much bet that the Lutherans are at the top of that list.

So I attended Lutheran school by day and Catholic Church on some weekends....Catechism for Communion was fun. I never understood why the Catholics hated the Protestants and why the Protestants hated the Catholics...I mean yeah, there was some selling of indulgences and stuff...but I was just a tad confused growing up.

Let me tell you a little something about my Catholic Church I attended growing up, Holy Family, in North Miami, Florida. (http://www.holyfamilynorthmiami.com/) You'll notice from the picture it looks like a rolled up receipt. That place was round, round and HUGE....very huge. The acoustics were great! You could hear every whimper from every baby, every second of every mass. The only thing I liked was the pipe organ. I still dig me a pipe organ.

Our Priests, never spoke good English. There were always hundreds of babies there, crying, so even if they did speak English I never heard a word they said. The only person who forced me to go was Mema...and Mema told me, and I believed her, that there was "no bathroom" in Church.

NEVER tell someone with a hyperactive bladder that there is no bathroom! I of course spent every second of Mass each time looking from my seat in the painful pew for a bathroom. I never did find it. I was not, of course, allowed to get up and look for it. I'm sure it existed...somewhere...somewhere in that void on that holy ground there had to be a bathroom!

So I equate Church with the pain of a full bladder and the fear of wetting ones self. Fun huh?

Our service was never short. It was long...over an hour. Mema liked to get there early too. I had to pee before the processional even started!

As a young Catholic, you sit, stand, and kneel and more importantly watch on as everyone gets up, stands in line, and gets their very own communion wafer. You wonder what it tastes like, and when you'll get to sample some. You attend classes to prepare for eating said wafer. Finally the day comes....you get up to the front of the line and the Monseigneur offers you the body of Christ and it tastes like.....stale puffed wheat...it also sticks to the roof of your mouth. You're not supposed to chew it, or dig at it once it's stuck with your finger, so it lingers...stuck....for a pretty good period of time.

Despite all that, it's still fun. You're finally a real member of the Church. You're practically an adult! So you almost look forward to sitting with a full bladder while babies scream and Priests from the eastern block talk about the same stuff every week....until your Mema tells you another tall-tale...."You can't have communion if you missed the prior week of Church."

This is bogus and there was nothing I could do. As neither Mema nor I had a car, we had to rely on others to drive us to Church...and others NEVER drove us two Sundays in a row! SO....I never got Communion again until twenty six years later....after Mema was dead and I actually at my own will entered a different Catholic Church. Guess what? I did not implode! Nor did I spontaneously combust...nor did I burst into flames....nor did the wafer poison my throat.

So now when I think of Church, I think of full bladders and starvation! Oh, and back pain. Why? Because I have mild scoliosis. Did anyone in my family tell me? NO! LOL! I thought it was normal to gimp around with a bent and bruised spine my entire life. Spending every week in my Lutheran Church at school, seated in wooden pews and then what seemed like every 'other' Sunday at Catholic Church did a number on my spine. All that wood rubbing up against me for years and years meant I had a perpetual cut and bruised spine. Don't get me started on my knees! YES, what 12 yr old has bad knees? Well, me.

I'm a klutz. I bang my knees, often! One in particular, my right, gets banged badly, every two years or so. Four years ago I managed to crack the darn thing. That was fun. I wore a knee brace for years in my 20s...kneeling was not an option. Okay so now Church equals full bladders, starvation, back bruising and knees that pop so loud when I kneel even the Priest who speaks no English stops yapping and the babies stop crying.

Then there is the boredom. Here's how my Church went....pipe organ, my favorite part, processional, always made the hairs on my arms stand up...song, some muttering in a foreign tongue, a reading from the book of who knows because all I hear is the baby behind me screaming at the top of it's heathen lungs, some more talk by the Priest who I couldn't hear, another song that I couldn't sing but thankfully the choir could, step class...and then...the story of Communion.

It was the same story every week, obviously, it'd not changed in 2000 years. It took 30 minutes to tell. A wafer would be held up to the sky light over the alter, a bell would be rung by a alter boy, then the blood of Christ would get held up, another bell...then some stinky incense would be released thus gassing us all nearly to death. Then 2000 people who I know for a FACT did not attend the Mass the week prior got up and took their Communion while I was forced to kneel on bad knees and NOT take the Communion I worked so hard to earn because the week prior our ride fell through!

All I would think about was a toilet...which was easy to do as our Church was so plain. See, Church's are supposed to be beautiful, right? Ours was......plain...........minimalist..........it was decorated by Ikea I think. Red carpet...tan walls....and the gorgeous stained glass windows? Um no. These were solid colored stained glass cubes scatted throughout the circular building. The colors were red, blue or green, and since there were no walls really they were just...there...in no particular order. I always wanted to sit in the front but Mema liked the back. The back was good because I could stake out a path to a potential albeit fictitious bathroom that way but the front would have a nicer and different view of the skylight over the alter, and closer to the choir. But no, never happened.

Fast forward many years. Ohio is a very Catholic state. They say that most people in SW Ohio are Catholic, yet I'm surrounded by Protestant Churches. I did some research and found a Catholic Church in my town, my very small town. It was founded in the mid 1800's...so, it's old! It's older than dirt! Unlike the rolled up receipt, this one looks traditional, with dark brown brick and real stained glass windows.

For reasons I won't mention, I made a promise that I'd attend Church one Sunday if something 'good' was done for me, which it was, so I went.

First I was struck by its size. It's tiny! Very tiny! I'd never been in such a small Church before. I thought all Catholic Churches were gigantic....nope! Second, it was gorgeous! The walls inside were a subtle gray and there were beautiful stained glass windows, mostly blue in color, with events from the bible depicted in them. Same painful wooden pews of course...oh, and the kneeling. LOL...which now I cheat and lop my butt onto the pew...(yes I said butt and pew) and fake kneel, I doubt anyone will care.

There were babies but the acoustics made it so they didn't dominate the sounds. There was no pipe organ! Shame...no room for it! There was...........a piano.....a dude with an electric guitar and....a drummer. Yup...their very own Tommy Lee. I was...shocked. The Priest, was American, and happy...he smiled...a lot! He waved to everyone. Despite its size the place probably holds 200 people or so, and he seemed to know a lot of them.

Yeah we sang some song, well they sang, I don't sing...some dude read from the Bible....and then the Priest talked....about.....well I don't even recall on that day as it was three yrs ago, but he talked and he was funny. He talked about normal every day stuff and in the end tied it into Christian doctrine. Then, some people carried the wafer down the aisle to him...and he read another passage and everyone got up to eat. No long drawn out story, the same story....no bells, no incense. Is this a Catholic Church? I assure you it was!

I stood up and after not attending Church in 7 yrs and I took Communion. I even gave a dollar in their "beg" basket. Then, it was over! We sang a song and poof, done! Forty whole minutes! I was shocked. I thought to myself, wow, that wasn't bad, not bad at all!

I went again last weekend, with William. I was terrified he'd cry and ruin everything for everyone. Instead he farted. Man what I would have given for those incense. We sat in the last row, at the end of the pew...the painful pew which killed my spine and tail bone....there was standing room only behind us, all of them no doubt staring at my gorgeous baby, who I wore in a sling, nice and snug.

I once again took that wafer! I listened as the Priest talked about the importance of fathers, it was after all Father's Day. Father Manning is a plump man of older age. He smiled, a lot and had great stage presence. It was obvious he wanted to be there. He was happy to be there. He made jokes and smiled and laughed....I thought it was a sin to smile in a Catholic Church.

So, in the end, after all those years...I thought I hated the Catholic Church. No, I thought I hated Church in general. Turns out...I didn't hate the Catholic Church....I just hated 'that' Catholic Church. The one that I'd always gone too....

Still though, despite my going to a different Church, I never did find the bathroom....

The geyser...

So tonight, little one started to cry. Before I could do anything, a geyser erupted. Yup. I've never seen anything like it, nor has Chris. This stuff just SHOT out of the boob, straight into the air with such great force....and it kept going and going and going, like the Energizer Bunny. I was freaked out, and didn't know what to do! After 10 seconds or so the husband ran to get a towel while I yelled "Are you seeing this?!" over and over....I wasn't touching my boob, no one was. Little man was on my lap crying and boom! Finally Chris said "Put it in his mouth!" LOL! So....duh....I did. I mean this thing was like the BP oil leak....there was no stopping it.

I suppose that's what "let down" is...I've never really experienced that before, at least not visually. I suppose it's a great sign that my supply is good and my boob's hearing is spot-on. Little man didn't appear to choke, so that's good too. As for the clean up...we need some relief workers pronto in my living room!

Tales, from the titty...

:-)

So I co-sleep, which I swore I'd never do. But, I do. It happened by accident, we just fell asleep together. I decided I liked it. As a preemie I worried about his breathing after all. Now though it's so much easier to just have him in the bed. True, some nights are hell but most are not. What's 'gross' is...I tend to leak...all over HIM, and all over the bed.

This morning, Mr. Crusty Head woke up, well, all crusty with dried milk, his swaddle was drenched and there was the largest puddle on the sheets. Eww...but, he tends to sleep so much better if he's right up on me, which is why I don't wear a shirt. Ugh, so it's have him sleep in a pool of milk and stain the sheets, or wear a shirt, and bra and pads (which I leak through anyway) and make it more of a hassle to side feed at 3am and not have him sleep as well....

Today we went out for a few hours to get some exercise and I leaked through my pads, my nursing bra and my shirt. Lovely! I had him in my sling so no one could see the leak. I am guessing my previous problem of low supply is no longer a problem, which brings me to my topic of the day....my how things changed. Here's how things have changed since I started this journey three months ago.

1. Low supply. I pumped and pumped while he was in the NICU...on average, every 2-4 hours. I was lucky if I got half an ounce total...that's for both breasts, in a session. Of course at the time he was only taking maybe three quarters an ounce by feeding tube anyway. So from day one he's gotten half or slightly more than half his food from me, the rest, formula. (soy)

2. Nipple preference. When he did finally take a bottle for the first time, around 10 days old, he didn't even like that! He could hardly suck. Maybe three sucks if we were lucky. He finally learned how to eat. By the time he came home from the NICU, 4.5 weeks after birth, he greatly preferred the bottle. He'd scream, kick, and push 'me' away. So, I pumped while Chris bottle fed, for every feeding.

3. Time. Now, he no longer cares where he gets his meals from. He'll take a paci, a bottle, or me...whatever it takes. My new problem is he can down a bottle in two minutes....me, two hours. I don't always have two hours though. Ugh. But I've not pumped in many days, and I feed him from me exclusively more than he gets a bottle.

It's amazing how things change. Now, my sheets are proof, supply is no longer my issue. I remember when I prayed for more milk, now I have it. Then, he preferred the bottle to me. I prayed for the day he wanted me. Now, he wants me. LOL...he wants me so bad... :-) Maybe too bad...too much! Now, it's just the time factor....

I wonder what next weeks challenge will be?

My breastfeeding challenges...a history...

My initial plan was to breastfeed immediately after birth, but of course he was whisked away to a NICU 20 miles from me that night so..since he's a preemie, breastfeeding has been a challenge. I pumped since day two but never pumped a good amount. In the NICU I breastfed I think three times, each time for 1 to 5 minutes only. Because he's a preemie, he just couldn't stay awake to feed, he was barely awake for the bottle.

Our first attempts were with a shield and did not hurt, at all. I've read and heard if you do it right, it does not hurt....more on that later.

Fast forward a month and I get him home. It was still a challenge. By that time he had nipple preference, and he preferred the rubber kind. He screamed when I tried to feed him, he'd push me away, kick, spit me out, in short...he gave my boob the middle finger. My joke at the time...He doesn't like the boob...maybe he's an ass man. ;-) (Get used to my warped sense of humor or leave this blog) :-)

So I'd pump while Chris bottle fed him nasty smelling and over priced soy based formula. Whatever I pumped, we'd feed him but it was never enough in volume.

Fast forward a month and we get...thrush! Which we still have! Awesome! Each week got better in terms of his feeding and my supply growing....along with my pain.

Not sure when the pain kicked in exactly but it did indeed kick in. Ouch. Let's put it this way, in labor I never cussed, screamed, yelled, even held Chris's hand let alone clinched it, never broke a sweat....breastfeeding on the other hand, all of thee above...when I say scream, I mean scream. Pant, sweat, shriek...sometimes his latch sucks, pun intended, mix that with thrush and you have...blistered, dry, cracked, bleeding nipples! Woo hoo! I have calluses on them! Yup! I use lanolin but it doesn't do much. When his latch goes array I break the seal with my pinky and try to breathe again.

Lately I'm determined to get him off formula. So I tried a formula and bottle free day....he fed off me for 12 hours...pretty much non stop. Um, ouch and hello, I had things I needed to do, like PEE! After all that he was still hungry and he got a bottle. Talk about a 'let down'.

That same week though I noticed I got bigger, quite a bit bigger and he no longer preferred the bottle over me. He took the breast like a champ! He still needed a booster of bottled formula from time to time but far less of it. Also when I pumped my supply went way up, enough to fill a bottle for him! And I've not pumped since. That was a week ago.

In this last week, he gets on average, 2, 2 ounce bottles of formula, the rest comes directly from the breast...my callused, blistered, cracked breasts. I'm in so much pain I can't even wear clothes, which Chris loves btw.

So, why do I persist? I'm a masochist. No. I have fibromyalgia and am in pain all the time, I don't need additional pain and this is bad, bad, bad pain. I do it because it's best for him and me and I like a challenge. I'm going to make this work. I want him off formula all together by month's end. This is much easier said than done.

I'm done with the rant for now. Today I earned my '3 month' badge of honor the breastfeeding forum on live journal. I wear it with pride...painful pride.

I'm back!!!

(Just started showing here, 25 weeks pregnant)

(31 weeks pregnant)

(One week before the birth, 32 weeks pregnant)

After a long break, I am back, at least in theory. William does not allow me a great deal of internet time and now that Chris is back to work, I'll have even less of it. I am trying to blog again on a regular basis. So a few things have changed...for those of you who know me, feel free to skip this paragraph ;-)

I had a baby, after 2.5 years of trying. We were told we had a less than 1% chance of ever conceiving. After 'not trying' last August, we conceived the old fashioned way. It was the the most stressful two and a half years of my life. I never wish to relive that. Every month for nearly that entire time was hell. If my boobs hurt, was I pregnant? Or was my period coming? Usually it was the latter. Every month I really thought I was pregnant, that gets old...quick! In August of 2008, I was late, VERY late...I was convinced it actually happened...only to find it did not. After a few negative pregnancy tests I began to hemorrhage and I continued to do so for 10 days. Turns out I had a very large ovarian cyst that caused all that bleeding. That concerned me, as if we needed MORE challenges in that department. For the two weeks leading up to the blood-bath, I thought I was pregnant, despite the negative test results. So when last September rolled around and I was late again, I was convinced it was yet another cyst. I didn't tell anyone I was late, I didn't think I was pregnant at all...I didn't want that disappointment again. I didn't even test. After seven days, Chris pretty much forced me to test. As I was still peeing, the second pink line appeared and I screamed "I'm pregnant!"

I don't think Chris believe me...I wiped really fast, LOL...and ran out to show him and asked him ten times at least if I were insane or if that was a second pink line...turns out it was. It was a very happy day...happy indeed. We said we'd tell no one but we immediately told nearly everyone.

The next week was good. Saw my Dr, who I loved, Dr. Hilkowitz, got an ultrasound, saw the little speck that would be William and.....................the rest is too horrible to recount, let's just say hyperemesis, pic lines, hospitalizations, medicine-induced depression, pre-term labor, bed rest and then...a premature baby.

But seven months later, he was born...yes, seven. He was nearly two months early. After a month and a half in the NICU he came home and now is doing fine. He's three months old, but really he's five weeks old, he looks five weeks old but acts more in-between the two.

Mama-D

:-) Pregnant

Yes, it's true, though I've not announced it on Facebook just yet. How am I feeling? Well the first week, I thought I was having a bad fibro week, turns out I was just pregnant. This week, I had cramping, severe back pain to the point I could not function but no bleeding. The Dr is a little concerned so I'm doing a 48 hr hormone test to ensure the baby is...hanging around.

I had an ultrasound. It showed pretty much nothing but the sac and the beginnings of the umbilical cord. Enclosed are pictures. The sac looks like a black lima bean. I circled it in yellow. The pink circle shows the white line that is the beginnings of the umbilical cord.

Almond Joy Cake

Okay, I'm 'NOT' very good at cakes, at all. This was my second try on this. It's pretty good, could use a bit of work, probably halved instead of slivered almonds.

Cake Ingredients

1 3/4 cup flour
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup milk (use whole milk)
1/2 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
1 cup boiling water

Pre-heat oven to 350. In a large bowl combine all the dry ingredients. In the mixer, mix all the wet ingredients except the water. Mix until incorporated. Add the boiling water slowly and continue to mix. Slowly add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients. Once combined add to two nine-inch cake pans. Bake for 30-35 minutes. Place on cooling rack to cool.

Filling ingredients

1 brick of cream cheese
1 stick of butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1 teaspoon almond extract
1 bag of slivered or sliced almonds (toast them on the stove first)
7 ounces sweetened-shredded coconut
1 cup of powdered sugar

Cream the butter and cream cheese together. Add the extracts. Turn mixer onto low and slowly add the sugar. Next, add the almonds and coconut. Put in the refrigerator for an hour to cool.

When the cakes are cooled completely, add three-quarters of the filling in-between the two layers of cake.

Ingredients for frosting

*Add these to the remainder of the coconut filling*
1 brick of cream cheese
1 stick of butter
Three-quarters of a bag of chocolate chips (I use Hershey Special dark)
1 cup of powdered sugar

In a double-boiler, melt the chocolate chips. While they melt, cream the butter and cream cheese with the existing filling at medium speed. Slow the mixer to low and add the powdered sugar. Once the chips are melted, add the chocolate (it's easier if you use a rubber spatula) to the frosting mixture. Continue to mix until well blended. Put the frosting in the refrigerator to cool for one hour.

Extra chocolate cupcakes with chocolate-cream cheese frosting

Cupcake Ingredients (Yield, 12 cupcakes)

4 TBS butter
1/4 cup canola oil
1/2 cup water
4 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips (You can use any flavor, I prefer Hershey's Special Dark or semi-sweet)
1 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup plus 2 TBS cocoa powder
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/8 tsp salt
1 large egg
1/4 "whole" milk (Don't use skim, must be whole or buttermilk)
1 tsp vanilla extract

First, using a double-boiler, melt the chocolate chips. (I use a sauce pan and a heat-safe glass bowl) In another sauce pan set to low heat, melt the butter with the oil and water.

Preheat oven to 350, spray cupcake liners. In a large bowl, sift the flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt. To another bowl (The mixer bowl) add the melted chocolate chips, the water-oil-butter mixture and beat on low speed until smooth. Add the egg and beat until incorporated. Next add the milk and vanilla and continue to beat until smooth. Slowly add the dry ingredients until incorporated.

Pour the mixture into the liners and bake on center rack for about 20-25 minutes. Let cool and then frost.

Frosting Ingredients

1 stick softened butter
1 brick of cream cheese
2 1/2 cups powder sugar
1 tsp vanilla
4 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips.

Again using the double-boiler, melt the chips. Cream together the butter and cream cheese, then add the chocolate. Add vanilla and turn the mixer from medium to low and slowly add the powdered sugar (You can use up too 3 cups of sugar). It will ice easier if you let it cool in the refrigerator for 30 minutes before icing the cupcakes.

Roasted Tomato Soup with Healthy Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Ingredients for soup

1 dozen Roma Tomatoes
1 bulb of garlic
1/4 cup of heavy cream
2 cans of petite diced tomatoes
1/4 cup olive oil
4 ounces of goat cheese* (Optional)
salt, pepper, thyme, dried basil, and onion powder to taste.

For the soup, preheat oven to 400. Slice the Roma Tomatoes length wise in half and place on foiled baking sheet. Add olive oil and salt and pepper to taste over each tomato half. Next, slice off the top 1/4 inch or so of the bulb of garlic. Add olive oil, salt and pepper to the exposed top of the bulb and wrap entire bulb in aluminum foil.

The garlic bulb goes into the oven for the longest amount of time, 30-40 minutes or until the consistency of butter. (You should be able to squeeze the garlic out from the skins when done). Put the tomatoes in the oven and roast for 25 minutes.

In a blender, add the roasted tomatoes and the roasted garlic and liquefy. Add contents to a large soup pot. Then add the canned tomatoes with the juice into the blender and liquefy. Add contents to the soup pot. Stir together and add salt, pepper, onion powder, thyme and dried basil to taste.

Simmer for 30 minutes and add the cream (as much or as little as you'd like) at the end. Break off little chunks of the goat cheese and stir into the soup until it's all melted.

Ingredients for Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Freshly baked bread ;-)
4 slices of any cheese (yellower cheeses melt faster than orange ones)
2 TBSP of olive oil

Using a non-stick pan, add 1/2 a tablespoon of olive oil over medium-high heat. Use the remaining olive oil (I eyeball it) on the 'outside' of the bread. I oil one side, place the oil-side-down into the pan and then press firmly on the top of the sandwich with a spatula. Before you flip it, be sure to add olive oil to the top of the bread. Flip and press down firmly with the spatula until the bread is crunchy and all of the cheese has melted, about five minutes total.

Italian Sausage Risotto

Simmering in the wine

Adding stock to risotto

Adding sauce to browned sausage

Adding cheese at the end

Final product!

YUM! I love this recipe! I think I made it up, but I doubt it, I'm sure someone else has done this.

Ingredients

1 package of Italian Sausage (I use mild, use any kind you like, can use turkey or pork)
1 can of plain tomato sauce
3 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup of wine (white or red, or you can use water)
1 cup of risotto rice
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese
6 cups of chicken stock (Low sodium)
-salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder to taste-

Instructions

In a large, non-stick frying pan over medium-high heat, add the wine and 1 tbsn olive oil. Once simmering, add the sausage and cover with the lid.

In a medium sized, non-stick pot on medium heat, add 1 tbsn olive oil and the 1 cup of risotto. This is called 'toasting the rice'. Do this for about three minutes or so, and then ladle in one ladle-full of warm chicken stock and stir. You have to keep stirring the entire time you're cooking it.

Meanwhile, turn your sausages over, put the lid back on and continue to cook until all of the wine is cooked off.

Ladle in more stock every time the risotto begins to look dry. In the end, you will use approximately 4-6 cups of stock.

When all of the wine in the frying pan is absorbed, add 1 more tbsn of olive oil and lower heat to medium. Keep turning the sausage so all sides of the casing brown, keep the lid on to speed up the process.

When all sides are browned, add one can of tomato sauce to the frying pan. Add salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder to taste, and lower heat to low. Put the lid back on and continue to cook until the sausage is done.

Taste your rice after about 15 minutes for texture. Towards the end, add salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder to taste. When the risotto has reached your desired texture , add the shredded mozzarella cheese. Stir in and serve.

Top with the sausage-sauce and sausage. Slice into chunks and top with freshly grated Parmesan cheese. Enjoy!