Pity Party, baby piranha and other ouches...

So, since I'm falling apart, why not fall apart some more? I've had the fibro for about 7 years now and it sucks. It's better since pregnancy but everyday it gets worse and worse again, before long, it'll be back 100%. Well I've learned to live with it, even though it's a life sentence without parole.

This new arthritis however, I'm not dealing with as well . It started about 18 months ago in one finger. Just one....the finger is lumpy and often stiff. For some reason when I got pregnant, the finger stopped bothering me so much. Then about three months ago, wham! All ten fingers, wrists, ankles, back, neck and worst of all...knees. My back and neck are always bad, but the hands, ankles and knees are new to me.

Every morning they are stiff and inflamed. If I stay still for too long, 30 minutes or so, they get stiff, sore and swollen again. It doesn't hurt all day but it does hurt every day, especially at night. I guess I'm mad because it's new to me. Fibro is head to toe pain, muscle pain, but osteoarthritis is joint pain....and it sucks.

I prefer to sleep on my side in the fetal position. I can no longer do this because I can't bend my knees at night. I'm only 36. I used to be able to just get out of bed to use the bathroom with ease....not anymore. I can hardly get out of bed because my knees and ankles are so stiff and sore....and I'm only 36. I have the bladder of a gnat, so I go to the bathroom all the time....which is a hassle in itself...now, it hurts so bad to lower myself using my knees, and raise myself using my knees, I dread going to the bathroom and I'm only 36! 36, not 96!

What annoys me so much is, I plan to live to be 100, but arthritis gets worse, not better. I don't want to live to be 100 if this is how I have to live, knowing it's just going to get worse. If I have to have a raised toilet now at 36, what will life be like in 20 or 30 years? If I need help getting up off the couch now, can you imagine me at 46? Oh I can't wait for menopause! That'll be fun...let's add some osteoporosis into the mix.

I'm mad and throwing a pity party because the anti-inflammatory my Dr prescribed doesn't do a darn thing. Nada. I was hoping it would ease the pain....some. Nope. Maybe it's a placebo. :-)

I'm pissed because I'm a young woman with a newborn baby, who can hardly get into and out of bed, off the couch, onto the toilet, off the toilet and can barely make it up the three stairs I have outside of my house. Exercise is good for arthritis. I walked about 1-2 miles a day several times this week. Yesterday I walked about 3 miles, half of which was uphill, while pushing a stroller. My knees still hurt so bad, I couldn't sleep on my side last night.

I'm 36! 36 and one of the things I love to do, and one of the very few things I'm good at, is typing and writing. I can hardly type because my fingers are so sore and stiff and swollen...all the time. Mind you, it's dry and hot out! Just wait until a damp winter's day! I've not had this arthritis in winter yet. I guess if I'm bitching now I should appreciate how good I have it in the warm weather.

I no longer need a meteorologist anymore. It's one of the good things about arthritis. I KNOW when it's gonna rain....and there's no rain in the forecast this week....and I'm still in pain. But, it gets way worse when rain is coming.

I don't like the desert. In fact, I detest the desert. I don't want to live in a desert. I have NO desire to reside in the desert SW. I need green, and trees, and flowers and hills. In order to have green, one needs a decent amount of rain. But rain hurts. Ugh...I don't like the desert. I don't want to live in one of the Emirates. Greece is kind of nice though....some green, still pretty dry, not too chilly. I digress, I'm not moving to Greece. I do like me some Greek food though ;-)

So, no cold, no humidity, no rain....NO FUN! Okay, San Diego here I come! All we need now is a job that pays $300,000 a year and $100,000 down payment on a tiny hacienda and we're set! So since that's never gonna happen....I guess I can live in........Deming New Mexico....it's a nothing town on the Mexican border that can't have a very high cost of living.

Okay no, that's not happening either. It's Ohio or Alabama for us, both are green, both wet, both humid, one cold, one chilly....so I better get used to the pain. Besides, it's hot and dry this week and I still hurt, so I see no reason to live in a Pueblo in Deming New Mexico. Plus, I hate chili peppers and the smell makes me die...literally (allergic).

I guess Seattle would be a death sentence. Okay, so the next 65 years will be lived in pain....a ranch house for certain...a raised toilet with a handicapped bar next to it....and sleeping on my back I suppose....of course my back and neck have arthritis too...so....how about, no sleep! Which is what I get now.

Which brings me to ouch number 2, my baby piranha. He's adorable and on one hand, it's cool he has two razor sharp teeth on the bottom...on the other hand, I'd been perfectly happy if he'd waited another six months to cut them. Those teeth are sharper than a knife and he's super strong. He's always bit me. He'd gum bite me while nursing....and yes, that hurts. Now, add two uber sharp teeth into the mix.

At first we were fine. I mean, they are called "Milk Teeth" by many people. You're supposed to still breastfeed with these new teeth with no problem. Then about four days ago...CHOMP! He took a bite out of crime....and out of me! I reacted poorly. I screamed and yanked him off me so fast I startled him. I couldn't help it. I wasn't prepared. He'd never bitten me with his teeth before and I thought he never would. I calmed down, put him back on and CHOMP again! Um...no. I shoved a bottle in his mouth immediatly and watched on as he chomped and bit the bottle nipple too! Then I put my finger in his mouth, CHOMP. What can I say, he bites.

I took it in stride. That night in bed, as always, when he got fussy, I rolled onto my side, with my bad knees, and gave him the boob....and what did he do? If you guessed CHOMP then you guessed correct. OUCH! Screamed again! It was dark so I couldn't see and I just gave up and made him a bottle. The next night....same thing.

I was very upset. The whole point of co-sleeping is to nurse him at night with ease, and NO pain! I mean, didn't we suffer through tongue-tie, and thrush, and a nursing strike and now....teeth? What next? Well nothing, we've been through it all! Me getting up to make a bottle and then feed him and burp him and all that makes falling back to sleep for me nearly impossible. On top of it, he was having a growth spurt, so for the first time in over three months, he needed TWO bottles in the middle of the night....then he woke up very early in the morning for a third. After not nursing at night, I needed to pump first thing in the morning...I don't have time to make bottles and bottle feed when I am bursting and need to pump! LOL! Thank goodness Chris was off to help.

I don't like bottle feeding them and then pumping. I've done this for months, through the tongue-tie and nursing strike. It's time consuming and annoying. Breastfeeding is simple. No bottles to wash! No pumps to clean. No formula to buy and store and measure. Yes, he benefits from my pumped milk, which I still don't make enough of for him, not during a spurt. So I will continue, but now I'm doing more work.

At times it seems simpler to just give the pump back and bottle him. But that's not good for him and it's not good for me. If I made it through a NICU and thrush and nipple confusion and hickeys and tongue-tie and strikes....I can make it through teeth....but ouch.

I admit, I'm terrified to nurse him now. I don't like pain, in case you haven't noticed. The last three nights, I suffered through the night with big old hard leaking boobs, bottles in the bedroom and a child who won't sleep as well (he sleeps better with me as his paci at night and when he sleeps....I sleep...it's a win-win situation).

My consultant said to lay off the night nursing for 'now' until I retrain his latch. It's too hard laying down, in the dark, to teach him how to nurse with teeth....and she's right. The hard part is getting the courage to face the mouth of a piranha again.

I'm happy to report, since I began writing this blog hours ago, I did successfully nurse him, in the daylight, and he didn't bite me once! I was so fearful he would. He ate and then fell asleep on me, just like good old times. I was afraid he'd bite me in his sleep (he's recently began having nightmares) but he didn't. In fact, he just 'let go' and slept for about another 45 minutes.

One reason he bit me the other night was, he had bad gas. He was in pain and he bit down on me from the pain. I need to stop that now. I give him paci's at night, but he needs to feed from me at night so I can stop the nighttime bottles once and for all.

Okay, I'm done....for now....let's hope he keeps his teeth to himself!